Life is Days and Days

Of Love

There are a few books that blow you away in life. For me, one of these is "Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience" by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Early on it notes that the latin root of the word amateur comes from the word love; to do something for love. It reminded me that qualifying as an amateur, as opposed to a professional, is quite noble, indeed.

I'm guilty of always trying to monetize my ideas and interests, and I think a lot of people are in our culture. Too often we assume a person needs to "do something with skill x" in the professional realm to legitimize his or her interests. Oh you can cook? Why not open a restaurant? If you like to write then you should publish a book. Since you're so good with kids you should go back for teaching. How will you take your blog pro?

We're overly obsessed with making a stream of income out of every interest we have. As if each action we fill our day with needs to get us closer some lofty professional goal to make it worthwhile. Well poo poo on that, says I.

I've decided to look into taking cooking classes in my local community college's culinary arts program. I've always loved food, from as far back as I can remember. Why not pay to hone my skills, for the simple goal of pleasing myself and those enjoying meals with me? Culinary arts program, here I come to pillage your information stockpile and rain down on my kitchen.

I'm finally going to read the manual to my fancy-pants camera so I can take better shots for myself, and no other reason.

And I'm going to analyze less and post more on this blog. Who cares if anyone reads it besides me-from-the-future?

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Box o' Change

I just finished reading "Finding your Own North Star" for the 3rd time in my life, proving that I either haven't found mine yet or that we have multiple. Snark aside, each time I re-read a book I glean something new, and this round found the change cycle to be my "ah-ha" moment.

Something catalytic happens--a sudden shock, a lucky opportunity or a gradual transition--and you land in square 1. So begins the deterioration of a fundamental aspect of your self-definition, in what Beck refers to as Death and Rebirth.

This is where I currently reside, launched in by my choice to quite my job to pursue a different career track. Beck notes that "you cannot create a new life without destroying the one you had." She's right. And knowing that scheming is up next is super exciting.

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Day One

Although it's technically 84 days since I started my journey to figure things out, it's Day One of this blog. To my future self, it's a lazy Autumn Sunday afternoon. The river is smooth and brown, the trees mottled in a similar pallet of dull straw and red. One of the kitties is curled between my legs and the kitchen is clean and bright.

I've been slowly settling into the concept of doing nothing unless I deem it necessary, which is a really weird place to be. From 1st grade to college graduation we kind of just blindly march forward toward the goal of completion. I've been completed for seven years now but don't feel any closer to understanding what it is I want to fill my productive hours with, the ones not taken up with family and sleeping.

I'm banking on the fact that I'll figure it out eventually, that one day when I'm "all straight" on the matter I'll remember my current self--with a mixture of amusement and wistfulness--and wish I could tell her to just relax and trust in life to work itself out.

So here we are, on Sunday October 23rd at 3:03pm. There is only one of these days, ever, again and again, and then again.